In January I applied Zion to a few of the Charter schools in the area. One, I really had my hopes for. The other one, I saw had an open house coming up so I of course, planned on going.
I told Zion last week that we would go look at a ‘new school.’ (We call daycare School.) He hasn’t forgotten about it, even asked a few times, “And tomorrow we go to New School?!”
They did the draw, the one I really wanted Zion was placed THIRDY SECOND on the damn waitlist. I felt an unbelievable wave of disappointment reading through the ‘We’re sorry’ email. Trying to mend my feelings, reminding myself there was the other one to hear from as well.
Next day, I got the email he placed 11th on their waitlist. Much more manageable. This is also the school that had the open house coming up. So a slight bit of excitement.
“It’s happening….my baby is really going to Kindergarten. He’s got a good shot at this Charter school, the smaller classes with really be good for him. He’s going to be so excited to see it! This is going to be great.”
Following day I get an email saying there was a glitch with the draw for the 11th waitlist school and they have to do ANOTHER draw.
“Okay, fine. This could be good.” *relief* “But, this could also meanhe will be put further down the list. *anxiety* No, it can’t get worse than bening 32nd.” *slight relief*
The day of the open house is the day they were suppose to announce. Open house was planned for 630.
At 1:48pm I get the email. “We’re sorry for the inconvenience this cause…. Zion is 46th” (paraphrasing of course.)
…….it got worse than 32nd.
I’m standing in the store trying to find the cleanest, least chemically filled laundry soap when I got the email. Already annoyed they didn’t have the brand we’ve been using, Apollo’s skin is too sensitive for me to start a new one without having time to look into what’s in it. I can’t focus on trying to do that when I just read that it GOT WORSE THAN 32ND.
Did I let Zion down? Do I be upset? Even though it’s a fair draw and I know that, how could it be that he didn’t get drawn for EITHER of the schools.. Do I try and afford a private school?
All I can imagine is my sweet, sensitive little soul , squished in a packed classroom like a sardine too caught up in trying to make friends and not get in trouble, unable to pay attention to the curriculum.
The drive home, I was able to accept it. It was a fair draw, noone’s fault. I didn’t let him down. This is just the universe’s way of telling me, he needs me to be there more. I need to help give him the tools to not be so sensitive and get hurt so easy. Well, maybe not me, dad will be better at giving home those tools. But I’ll be there to support him.
Regardless of the results, I told him we could go to the open house, so we did.
We met some of the staff, toured the grounds and listened to the curriculum plan for the kindergartners, since those are 99% of the parents that went.
Watching Zion light up and be so excited about the classroom, the library and the pure joy on his face in the music room was the most heartwarming feeling. I could stop staring at him. His smile gave me a smile.
It wasn’t until halfway through, listening to one of the teachers talk I couldn’t help but think
“I have to trust new people with my son all over again. I’ve known some of the girls at daycare for years now. But this, I have to let him go to a new location, new teachers, new other kids. This is too much. I can’t. How can I trust these women? Just because she keeps repeating ‘your children will be very well taken care of here,’ doesn’t actually make it true. She could just be saying that. We should just leave. There is no need to be here. He doesn’t need to start school. At least act like you’re listening….”
Looking back at Zion and it all went away. He is so happy to be here.
Please, just stop growing so fast.